The most important thing in an adult’s life are our children. Over the last year our children’s lives have changed dramatically.  They are being asked to do things differently and have lost contact with many of their friends and family.  This disruption is having a massive effect on how they see things and what they relied on in the past has disappeared.  InTouch Team Leader Steve Ingram reports that he has been contacted by many residents who are asking how to deal with the changes in their children’s lives.

To get a better understanding of the problem, Steve approached Janet and Austen Pearl who run a local fostering agency Tenja Care.  Austen and Janet have worked in the childcare sector for over 40 years and it is doubtful if there is anyone better qualified to advise on the subject. Janet and Austen made it very clear that the last 12 months have had a negative impact on the lives of our children.  They stated it is important to be able to notice any changes in their lives and what to do in the event of a problem. Their advice was as follows:

Depression in adolescents may be difficult to spot because sulkiness, irritability, antisocial behaviour, negativity and withdrawal often go hand in hand with growing up. In younger children, depression may present as morbid preoccupation with death and dying. The child may exhibit extreme fear of being separated from parents and friends. Bearing in mind the closing of our schools during lockdown, it is no wonder that our children are getting depressed. One of the main problems is that parents are not trained to look at behaviours that illustrate a child could be depressed.

Checklist for Child/Teenager Depression

You may find the following checklist useful if you fear your child is depressed. These points refer to changes in behaviour. If you are concerned about your child, speak to them about it, and take them to see your doctor if you are still worried.

 

Snapping at people for no apparent reason – irritable	Changes in relationship to family and friends	Cries easily, looks sad, feels alone or isolated
Physically or verbally aggressive	Expresses negativity about family	Has fears about having to be perfect
Abandoning favourite hobbies or sports	More conflicts with parents and siblings than usual	Loses interest in normal hobbies and sports
Increased passive TV watching.	Changes in eating and sleeping habits.	Changes in feeling, thinking and perceiving.
Complains of being bored.	Expresses inappropriate guilt, feelings of not being good enough, worthlessness, failure.	Has difficulty staying still or conversely, is lethargic
Finds it harder to stay on task. Loses concentration easily.	Expresses hopelessness and having nothing to look forward to	Has a preoccupation with self; is withdrawn.
Mentally confused. Finds decisions difficult to make.	Speaks in a monotonous or monosyllabic manner

Of course, many of these behaviours are carried out periodically by perfectly normal teenagers and must be assessed in context with their normal behaviour.

Encouraging a depressed child/teenager to open Up.

If you suspect that a child/teenager in your life is suffering from depression, speak up right away. Even if you are unsure that depression is the issue, the troublesome behaviours and emotions you are seeing in your teenager are signs of a problem.

Whether or not that problem turns out to be depression, it still needs to be addressed, the sooner the better. In a loving and non-judgmental way, share your concerns with your child/teenager. Let him or her know what specific signs of depression you have noticed and why they worry you. Then encourage your child to share what he or she is going through. They may be reluctant to open up; he or she may be ashamed, afraid of being misunderstood. Alternatively, depressed children may simply have a hard time expressing what they are feeling.

If they claim nothing is wrong but has no explanation for what is causing the depressed behaviour, you should trust your instincts. Remember that denial is a strong emotion. Furthermore, children may not believe that what they are experiencing is the result of depression.
 

Offer Support	Let depressed teenagers know that you are there for them, fully and unconditionally. Hold back from asking a lot of questions (teenagers do not like to feel patronized or crowded) but make it clear that you are ready and willing to provide whatever support they need.
Be gentle but persistent	Do not give up if your adolescent shuts you out at first. Talking about depression can be very tough for teens. Be respectful of your child’s comfort level while still emphasizing your concern and willingness to listen.
Listen without lecturing	Resist any urge to criticize or pass judgment once your teenager begins to talk. The important thing is that your child is communicating. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or ultimatums as well.
Validate feelings.	Do not try to talk your teen out of his or her depression, even if his or her feelings or concerns appear silly or irrational to you. Simply acknowledge the pain and sadness he or she is feeling. If you do not, he or she will feel like you do not take his or her emotions seriously.

Getting treatment for your Child

Depression is very damaging when left untreated, so do not wait and hope that the symptoms will go away. If you see depression’s warning signs, seek professional help. Make an immediate appointment for your teen to see the family physician for a depression screening. Be prepared to give your doctor specific information about your teen’s depression symptoms, including how long they have been present, how much they are affecting your child’s daily life, and any patterns you have noticed.

If you require any further advice or information, contact steve: stephen@stepheningramconservatortyparty.co.uk